What the heck is this Bagley Farm Home, this dream, this leap of faith I keep talking about? I've named this blog after it for goodness sake, you'd figure I'd give it all away in the about page, the first post, or at least the second. I didn't and that's ok because you can hear the story now.
For those of you who want to skip our saga- you can read the short version here.
Once upon a time, many moons ago, I married my best friend. A handsome guy I call babe and you can call Adam...or if you're our close friends you may call him a number of different things including Karl, with a K...
We were married outdoors on a beautiful day in July, at our friend's property up...You guessed it Bagley Creek. 5 Acres, mountain view, and a pond with a little bridge. Our ordained friend married us in front of a metal arbor and 250 of our closest friends and family. (small town + big family) We danced outside under the sun and then the stars and it felt like home. In fact, we had talked about that very place being our home someday...Someday was always in our hearts but we knew our sweet 2 bedroom home we had purchased 3 years earlier was where we'd grow our family.
Fast forward 3 months and we found out we were expecting a little one. That honeymoon worked its magic and we were thrilled/nervous/excited. We had known our whole 6 years of dating we wanted to start a family young. We already had dreams of how and where we'd raise them. We would have property to run around on, spend lots of time outdoors, playhouses and trees, chickens and freedom.
This dream was always present and each pregnancy & birth of our babies only reaffirmed that "YES, we would have Bagley one day". We had a Son and two years later we had a daughter. Soon the home that we had poured so much love in to seemed to be "not enough anymore". We weren't any closer to living our dream. We had this sign in front of our bed that served as a reminder or rather an inspiration. It said
Don't dream your life. Live your dream.
I remember so many times lying in bed & feeling the weight of that sign.
Reminding us that we were dreaming our life and not living it to the fullest. We lacked action. Mainly we felt stuck. We bought in the height of the market and it had crashed hard. Like many homeowners, we were underwater on our mortgage. We couldn't sell our home and we couldn't refinance. It had been 6 years in our home and had been told after about a year we could refi to a lower interest rate...oh yeah, the interest was off the charts!
We felt stuck but we also felt gratitude. We had a home we adored, the financial income to cover our bills and a safe home for our babies. We were in a state of tolerance I guess. My husband had been thinking of starting his own business but full-time work made us doubt it was time. With such an investment in our home, we couldn't see "the light".
We "kept on keeping on" so they say and within a year our future looked a little brighter. Finally, a refi was available! This saved us hundreds of dollars a month. Suddenly, our Bagley dream seemed closer. We were happier and feeling more comfortable. We were growing and learning about ourselves and what we truly wanted in life. I thought about going to nutritional school. I had always been passionate about it and could see the benefit of muscle testing that my Nutritional Therapist/BFF provided. She encouraged me and offered to help me study if I chose that path. Adam was talking more seriously about his ideal career.
Looking back through each struggle, stumble, and rise I see the universe provides us with opportunities to align with our true calling.
You have to listen to this! When you find roadblocks it’s a redirection. When you move forward and you can feel the pull, as if its rigged in your favor, you know you're moving in the right direction. When you sit back and let life happen to you without participating you may receive several situations that require you to do something!
We were growing and then I found out we were growing.
Of course, when I told Babe he already knew, he always does before me. He has a sense about these things. Actually, he has many gifts! We were so excited. We felt blessed to bring our third baby into our family. How perfect it was that they'd all be two years apart. They would grow up close in age. With it being our third baby and the gender always a surprise, we didn't feel much to prepare for.
The nutritional school was on hold for now which gave me time to solve two things:
Where does baby sleep? Baby sleeps in our room. He/She can move into big bro & big sis's room when bigger. The closet may need some reworking.
Car seat Tetris. Which car seats can fit 3 across in a small SUV?
Challenge accepted and after many hours of researching reviews, dimensions, and googling that question- I nailed it!
Somewhere in the excitement construction slowed down and we found ourselves on only one income. Something we prepare for financially because that happens in construction. What we didn't prepare for was being pregnant and our insurance running out. With doing whatever side jobs he could (these happened to be in maintenance, tree, & dirt work. Looking back I see this gave him more solo experience.) we got by until a job opportunity came up- when we most needed it. It wasn't his passion but it was a financially secure job, benefits, and the people were nice.
My husband, he IS the epitome of love, of sacrifice for his family. He is strong, responsible, reliable, and loves more than anyone I've met.
I was working one day a week at the local baby store. I worked for someone I loved and I loved my job! It aligned with my interests (baby, clothes, creativity, and customer service) and gave me one day a week I could do something fun for me. For the past 9 years I had been coaching the swim club. It was getting harder to be away at dinner time with my babies getting bigger but the swim club was my family and I loved the kids I coached. Those kids were like my own kids before I even had kids! With two babes at home and one on the way our plan was to continue life until we could feel financially steady to pursue our next big move.
That was our plan but life had other plans.
My father in laws health had taken a sudden turn. He had been our rock since Wyatt was born. Watching the grandkids while I worked my one long day and happily taking the nights I was at the pool. With this sudden and uncertain incident we decided we'd need to rethink child care. It had to be free and it had to be consistent . Sure, thats easy. Right now it had worked out that between my mom, Adam's mom, my dad, and my grandma- we could get it covered.
*In hindsight I love this. It gave our family the opportunity to love and connect with the kids*
Adam often worked out of town and getting home was never a consistent time. Getting more pregnant and feeling the stress of bouncing around, sometimes last minute, childcare became stressful. I needed to make sure dinner was prepped and then I had to give a "to do" list for dinner to the grandparent that was "on duty". I felt a bit of guilt and more sadness that it wasn't me making the meals and eating dinner with my babies. It's something Adam and I always valued and promised we'd do.
Finally one night we had a talk. It was time to make a change. What would we do after baby 3 was born and I was due to go back to work? Certainly it wasn't easy right now and it wouldn't be easier to add a baby on the "grandparents night". We knew Papa would be great at 3 kids, he'd run papa daycare like a champ, but we wanted him to heal. What if I stayed home? Could we afford that?
It was a mutual agreement- we wanted one of us to be home with the kids while they were growing up. How beautiful and hard but irreplaceable would it be to have that time! A month ago we were talking about working more and now we were talking about working less. Taking strides towards our values- happiness and family. We didn't know financially how but we knew we would make it work. The happiness and memories would far outweigh the temporary struggle.
That night we agreed, I would stop working BOTH my jobs once baby 3.0 was born. Ah, that feeling of taking the next step forward, the releasing of stress, being guided by our heart. It all felt great. We had about 4 months to go. I knew it would be hard. More than hard. I loved my jobs. My history proves that I have a hard time letting go of jobs and situations that no longer serve me. I will literally put my own perceived sense responsibility over what's best for me.
My concern for "who will do this as good as me", "who will care", "who will take over" proves to override my own happiness. I wasn't confident in easily letting go of two jobs i really enjoyed. So in walks life. You know who you can always count on to help you let go of the things you like to make room for things you love?
And so that's what life did when I wasn't actually listening to the timing of action. Life said "here, this will help move things along faster".
Click here to read the next chapter...The Bagley Dream- Part 2