I am a recovering perfectionist.
If you've followed my blog posts you'll be aware I mention those tendencies and my quest to let go. I recently read an article about type A's and parenting. Since that article, I vowed to become more type awesome.
I also read a quote calling out perfectionists as procrastinators and the highest form of self-abuse. It has also been tied to shame.
Once I started to call myself on my own bullshit in the areas that I self-sabotage and self-limit I could really become the destroyer of this behavior. I am the creator and thus I can be the transformer. Anyway, I thought you all may find it helpful if I gave you an idea of how I am reforming and learning to know when "it's good enough".
I offer my honest post not to say "Hey, I arrived" but to say "Hey I am arriving and its a destination I reach for every day".
Sometimes I do.
Sometimes I don't.
The greatest accomplishment so far is being AWARE that it is ME who is either giving an endless list of things to do and be or allows the day to flow, incorporating the responsibilities that must be done with moments of freedom.
I started with my morning.
They now look like me getting up and making sure my kids have something to eat. Whether this is a banana snack or their first breakfast. When the kids are up I mean that they are up by 6 am and they for sure will eat more than one meal. Scratch that, first I brew a pot of french press then I make sure they have their snack. Let me reiterate the safety rules of planes. You must put on your oxygen mask first and then help another. Ok, so coffee is brewed. Kids are fed. I prepare hubby's coffee for him. I take my coffee to the couch where I sip and scroll or sip and read some pages from one of the 48 open books I have going.
Might I stop and comment that this is a giant accomplishment in itself.
Looking back, I would never ever start two or more books at one time.
I also would finish a book even even even if I didn't like it because I started it. Now I am almost to the point where I could skip ahead, look at other pages, and not feel like cheating...almost.
Back to the morning routine. It's essential to me that I reclaim my mornings and this means working with my family and our schedule. I know it's not feasible to get up before the kids. I am not getting up at 5 am, not going to happen. So, I modify and make it happen. After reading and coffee I will mix in breakfast, lunch making, visiting, and maybe a tiny bit of clean up. Then I retreat to my room where I have set up my imperfectly perfect meditation space. I began this ritual January 1st and have done it nearly every day since. I say nearly every day because sometimes if I become short on time I will do some in the shower and walking around the house.
Again, accept fluidity in your routine and give yourself grace for accomplishing as much as allowed on any given day. Intend to carve out time- that is the foundation. Any sort of "me" time is essential for a mama who is both a total homebody and craves a little break. I do my Eden Energy Medicine daily routine. Then I sit and read the daily entry from these two books:
Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie
The Book of Awakening by Mark Nep
(These were both recommended by my spiritually awakened friend, Megan)
After reading the entry for the day I take 1 to 10 minutes to sit in silence, reflect, calm my mind, and listen to what comes through. Mostly I just try to be mindful and allow thoughts to release. Create a center of calm and space of love. I try to make my bed before this because it calms my mind but If I forget to do this before I simply do it right after. I am now ready to enter back into the morning which includes those everyday things. Either fighting the kids to get ready for school or being surprised that today they were already dressed.
Today, today I haven't done my routine or read my entries because today I was called so hard to sit and write. I have learned that when inspo comes to you, you've got to stop, surrender, and do. If you don't, inspiration will leave and it is not as powerful to recall at a later time what was dancing in your field ready to be created. Now, it's time to get dressed (thank God today the kids are ready) I'll sneak in my routine after drop off...maybe.
Namaste. Shine on sisters. Keep doing your work!